What I would do...

There's a lot I would give to be back in my village home right now. As the leaves change colors and the air chills as soon as the sun touches the tops of the trees, I am hit with the realization that we might be here for another winter. This was not the plan. I don't want to be here. I want to be home.

I want to be sitting on the banks of the river while the kids swim. I want to be annoyed at how many people are on my porch, asking for sugar. I want to be watching the sky while praying for rain. I want to be flicking off earwigs as they crawl on my arm at night. I want to be sitting with my tribal friends, stumbling through language and laughing at my blunders. I am discontent. And it's a difficult place to be....but through it, I'm learning to lean on the One who is my ultimate comfort. The One who can handle my questions and my anger. The One who knows the future and who holds my heart. 

What I would give though....

I'd give my right....fingertip. I'd give all the cash in my wallet :)  I'd give up my plants...there you go. I'd give up a lot though....

I know that the grass is always greener. But the unknown of our return has really been hard for me. We have done pretty good with staying busy and distracted. We've spent time with family, I've done a little bit of gardening (if you can call it that). I help the kids with their virtual school from 8-3:00. I've been floundering my way through potty training Rovan. Sam's been getting odd jobs and working on the house. I've joined a ladies Bible study.  But any time I get a minute to myself, I begin to think think think. The what ifs begin to seep in. I don't know what's happening or when we will get news. But I have no choice but to wait. 

So if you see a crazy woman somewhere in central Michigan standing outside of her house several times in a week, yelling at the sky, baring her soul to her heavenly Father....it may or may not be me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." 

Why is it that the simplest commands are the hardest to follow?